It was posited to me that my issues with allergies might not have been because I genuinely had an enormous problem with allergies, but because, only with so much going wrong with my body pre-surgery, it became a notable issue. Basically, when you’re hanging on by a thread, a minor inconvenience is going to hit way different than it would if you were having a good day.
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I have had a low body temperature since high school. Somewhere around the low 67s was normal for me. I never thought much of it. My mother told me she had the same low temperature and I chalked it up to some inherited quirk. Until I just recently started getting average temperatures when I went to the doctor.
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Come to find out, when you have chronic sinus inflammation and the cornucopia of problems I had with sinuses, it can change how you experience spices. Namely, spice hurts. Every Scoville level higher is torture and there is no flavor when there’s heat. There is only heat.
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Healing is an interesting endeavour, because the timelines given are always averages or estimations. I stand in the middle of week 4 post-surgery and there have been many wonderful changes so far. But come week 6, it looks like I will have even more.
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I have always had tiny traces of cognitive issues. I would forget things that had just happened. I wouldn’t be able to piece together my day and wind up being unprepared for what’s ahead. I couldn’t figure out how to navigate cities for the life of me. Even one I was familiar with.
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I’ve reached the point in my surgery recovery where I am starting to see staggering changes. I’m also starting to test the boundaries of what I wasn’t able to do previously.
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I found myself at a crossroads: the idea of me contacting my abusive mother to tell her she may the same medical condition I did was utterly unthinkable. But the idea of me keeping this entirely to myself when I do believe she has lived in chronic pain her entire life, also made me deeply uncomfortable. Now what?
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So the good news: I am no longer dealing with intolerable sinus pain. Here is some of the progress I have already made post-surgery. More to come as I continue to heal!
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Now I am two and a half weeks into recovery and I want to throw myself off a building. Because not only is my healing requiring far more time than I can spare, but we have been having what feels like non-stop storms which makes a lot of my symptoms worse because I am still sensitive to barometric pressure changes.
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I knew I did not miss my own mother. Cutting off contact removed my vain hope she would one day become someone she was not and actually be a good mother.
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